Weekend adventure
Hello KATW friends, hope your weekend was everything you wanted it to be. Kelly and I spent the weekend sleeping in (WOOT!) and getting to know a new friend. Last year when Kelly brought one of her board members here, he met a gentleman named Henry Roberts who works at the American Embassy as a financial management officer. Those two clicked and Matt, a KATW board member, told Kelly to look him up when she got back. So, as promised, when we got here Kelly shot him an email and we made plans to meet up for dinner on Saturday.
We met up at a little restaurant, Serendipity, to talk over some good food and very good Malawian gin, well I had the gin, Kelly drank a coke. Henry asked Kelly about KATW, what she wanted to do with it, what she has done and any issues she's come across. As we started talking about working/living in Malawi, themes of cultural differences, political corruption, traditions vs modernization and traits of humanity, came up. We learned that Malawi was not Henry's first time living in an African country, he had lived in Cote d'Ivoire before and loved it, then was assigned to Malawi. Having lived in two different countries, we started asking him about his experience living in Malawi.
He mentioned that the government is still struggling with how to develop the country, needless to say infrastructure is seriously lacking here, as well as people trying to balance life as it "once was" with how it "could be". This struggle is felt from the very top of the government down to the very poorest. Equality among the sexes is minimal at best. Women here are still "bought" from their families. Henry, who is planning on marrying his second wife, is currently in the midst of bargaining a bride price for his girlfriend/fiancé. One might assume she and her family don't know any other way, but that would be a mistake. She (fiancé) went to boarding schools in South Africa and college in London and continued to live there for 10 years, so suffice it say, she has been exposed to other cultures. This cultured young woman is currently in charge of a few stores that her mother owns, her mother being the household entrepreneur, while her father is currently unemployed and has been for quite sometime. Yet, these women essentially have very few rights (according to traditions). Both of these women were bought from their families and if they were ever to be divorced they would go back to their families penniless and childless (assuming there are children) for they all go to the father.
So essentially a woman here, even if she is a business owner, is worth no more than her uterus. Henry's fiancé, as the woman, is expected to take care of the house even if she is also the bread winner. Her mother, Henry's soon to be mother-in-law, does the same thing. She runs several stores then comes home to cook her husband dinner. Now to be fair since they are so well off she is able to afford all the help she wants or needs, but if something should go wrong at home, she is responsible. Henry also reports that the former president Dr. Joyce Banda would even have to go home and fulfill her wifely duties by taking care of the household. Kelly and I sat there incredulously staring at Henry, not wanting to believe that the highest official in a country was still feeling the pressure to hold onto some traditions.
He mentioned that the government is still struggling with how to develop the country, needless to say infrastructure is seriously lacking here, as well as people trying to balance life as it "once was" with how it "could be". This struggle is felt from the very top of the government down to the very poorest. Equality among the sexes is minimal at best. Women here are still "bought" from their families. Henry, who is planning on marrying his second wife, is currently in the midst of bargaining a bride price for his girlfriend/fiancé. One might assume she and her family don't know any other way, but that would be a mistake. She (fiancé) went to boarding schools in South Africa and college in London and continued to live there for 10 years, so suffice it say, she has been exposed to other cultures. This cultured young woman is currently in charge of a few stores that her mother owns, her mother being the household entrepreneur, while her father is currently unemployed and has been for quite sometime. Yet, these women essentially have very few rights (according to traditions). Both of these women were bought from their families and if they were ever to be divorced they would go back to their families penniless and childless (assuming there are children) for they all go to the father.
So essentially a woman here, even if she is a business owner, is worth no more than her uterus. Henry's fiancé, as the woman, is expected to take care of the house even if she is also the bread winner. Her mother, Henry's soon to be mother-in-law, does the same thing. She runs several stores then comes home to cook her husband dinner. Now to be fair since they are so well off she is able to afford all the help she wants or needs, but if something should go wrong at home, she is responsible. Henry also reports that the former president Dr. Joyce Banda would even have to go home and fulfill her wifely duties by taking care of the household. Kelly and I sat there incredulously staring at Henry, not wanting to believe that the highest official in a country was still feeling the pressure to hold onto some traditions.
We talked about this pressure to conform to traditions. Henry had experienced the challenges of the village mentality when it came to employing some household help. He mentioned that many who are employed are taking care of their very extended family. This is such a wonderful thought, though is very difficult in practice. To know that your neighbors have your back and they have yours is so helpful in stressful and dire times. However, there comes a time when one has to say "I'm sorry I can't right now". In America this happens all the time. As a former lifeguard we were taught that you can help no one if you yourself are drowning. If you say no to an extended family member in need here in Malawi, you are shamed and shunned and that is worse than death. Henry had workers ask him for money for clothes for their kids, cousins, medicine for an illness, doctors appointments etc. on top of their salary. Being a kind and generous soul he said yes, but if you give a mouse a cookie. The requests kept pouring in and there was very little proof that the money was going where it needed to. Finally he had to say no, even fire a few. He unfortunately has become jaded by the experiences and now is very wary about giving money to those that ask. It's always so sad when the few bad ones really ruin it for the good guys.
This can all be very hard to swallow, especially when one wants to believe in nothing but the absolute best in people, however it is necessary to know. When we met with the first two groups that KATW was working with, they admitted to us that they were struggling with selling items. Not enough buyers, it took to long to hand knit items, to costly to go to market etc. which are valid struggles. Could they go to the markets everyday? No, they had other jobs or families to take care of. Could they work out a schedule so that one or two would go and everybody else would chip in to help take care of their houses or jobs? No. Had they been going to different markets? No too costly, not enough time. All of these reasons, I feel are valid, but were they excuses for not selling?
KATW is struggling with how to balance out the needs of the groups, with the mission of the organization. Does one change the mission to meet the needs of the people or change the people to meet the mission of the organization? As a teacher, I must admit to struggling with how best to help students that need it. How many times do I have to demonstrate how to solve a problem, how often do I have to get them started, how much help do I give them before I give them nothing but a sense of helplessness and dependence? I've seen parents get frustrated with watching their kids struggle. They let them struggle for a bit (if at all) then just throw their hands up and say "you know what just let me do it for you". This helps no one. Charities are like teachers and parents, helping those that need it until they can help themselves, but where is that line? When do you step back and say "I've given enough. It's time for you to work. Yes you will struggle and yes it won't seem like you're getting anywhere, but there will be a point when you look back and realize how far you've gone". Where will that line be for KATW? How will the groups react when that line is drawn? Time will tell.
This can all be very hard to swallow, especially when one wants to believe in nothing but the absolute best in people, however it is necessary to know. When we met with the first two groups that KATW was working with, they admitted to us that they were struggling with selling items. Not enough buyers, it took to long to hand knit items, to costly to go to market etc. which are valid struggles. Could they go to the markets everyday? No, they had other jobs or families to take care of. Could they work out a schedule so that one or two would go and everybody else would chip in to help take care of their houses or jobs? No. Had they been going to different markets? No too costly, not enough time. All of these reasons, I feel are valid, but were they excuses for not selling?
KATW is struggling with how to balance out the needs of the groups, with the mission of the organization. Does one change the mission to meet the needs of the people or change the people to meet the mission of the organization? As a teacher, I must admit to struggling with how best to help students that need it. How many times do I have to demonstrate how to solve a problem, how often do I have to get them started, how much help do I give them before I give them nothing but a sense of helplessness and dependence? I've seen parents get frustrated with watching their kids struggle. They let them struggle for a bit (if at all) then just throw their hands up and say "you know what just let me do it for you". This helps no one. Charities are like teachers and parents, helping those that need it until they can help themselves, but where is that line? When do you step back and say "I've given enough. It's time for you to work. Yes you will struggle and yes it won't seem like you're getting anywhere, but there will be a point when you look back and realize how far you've gone". Where will that line be for KATW? How will the groups react when that line is drawn? Time will tell.
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